The Science of Listening to Your Child

I recently read a book, called “Children Are People Too” and I would like to share some useful tips that I read. It was stated that best way of raising your child is the democratic one as it plays important role in increased self-esteem. It is very important to develop listening skills that communicate understanding without judgment.

 Listening starts with attention. When your child approaches you with concern give him/her real attention – abandon all other tasks. Do not pretend listening. Leave everything that you are doing and make an invitation to talk. Then give time to the child to decide if s/he wants to talk.

Attentive listening to the children promotes their self-esteem and their ability to solve their problems. Do not relieve the child’s feelings – only accept them and allow the child to decide how to handle them. Children learn what to do with their feelings by watching your reactions.

Having listened to the child’s feelings, you can reflect these back by paraphrasing or summarizing what was said. Listening tells the child s/he is accepted.

Keep your tone of voice courteous and avoid directive tone. Do not criticize, blame or interrupt the child.

To be able to listen, first we need to accept the child’s feelings, even when they are different from ours. We need to resist judging those feelings and should not feel responsible for them. We should avoid trying to ‘quick-fix’ a problem. This also includes respecting the child’s right not to want to discuss something right now. We should believe that children cans solve their own problems. At early age they may need some guidance on how to do so, yet they can still choose the solution that suits them.

I personally found this guideline very useful and it helped me create a better relationship with my daughter. However, this requires effort and learning from the parent side but is worth it.