Coping with Temper Outbursts

I have been experiencing some problems with my daughter as she has been experiencing temper tantrums recently. Some days she used to throw up to 10 tantrums per day. Also, she became very disobedient lately. It turned out she does this only at home and never at child care.

I read guidance for managing tantrums. It suggests setting up a behavior chart with half hour time blocks. You should discuss the time out procedure with the child and set the timer for 30 min. If the child lasts 30 min without throwing a tantrum, she earns a smiley face. 

However, if she throws a tantrum you should stop what you are doing and tell her the screaming must stop or she will have to go time out until it does. If the tantrum continues, describe the problem and the consequence: ‘You have not done as I asked. Now go to time out.” Explain what is wrong and the rules for time out. When the child throws a tantrum, do not give positive attention. 

In time out the child is temporarily removed from the situation where a problem has occurred. It usually lasts 2-3 minutes and is used immediately after a problem behavior. The child is typically put in another room, like laundry or hallway. Getting out of time out should spend on the child being quiet for 2-3 minutes.

By the end of the first week tantrums will occur much less frequently and for shorter time. After two weeks, providing the tantrums have reduced to about 1-2 per week, phase the child off the happy faces chart and back up rewards, but continue to praise her for being cooperative.

Trouble shooting

1         Make sure you are following the routine every time.

2         Act, do not threaten time out.

3         Let your child off time out once she is properly quiet.

4         Make sure the child is receiving enough positive attention when she is not in time out.

5         Make sure that the child cannot escape from time out before the time period is up.

6         Stay calm.

Ideas for Helping Children Learn to Tidy Away

1. Store toys so they are easily accessible.

2. Choose the right moment to ask the child o tidy away.

3. Give your child a warning by asking to finish the activity and tidy way in a few minutes.

4. Suggest consequence for complying. For example: “When you put the toys away, you can come and have breakfast.”

5. Calmly ask the child to begin.

6. Pause then prompt your child to begin.

7. Deal with protest with terminating instructions.

8. Use “manual guidance “to help the child.

9. Provide logical consequence – the toy will be put away for specific period.

10. Speak up and praise cooperative behavior.

11. Gradually reduce the assistance you give.

Five Freedoms to be Yourself

1   The freedom to see and hear what is here. Instead of what should be, was, or will be.

2   The freedom to say what one feels and thinks. Instead of what one should

3   The freedom to feel what one feels. Instead of what one ought.

4   The freedom to ask for what one wants. Instead of always waiting for permission.

5   The freedom to take risks on own behalf. Instead of choosing only to be ‘secure’.

While granting these freedoms to your children, make sure you assert your own needs. This has advantages for the child’s self-esteem and eases the expression of needs. We should allow our children live life fully and enjoy meeting challenges and be less protective.